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Like mother, like daughter

Published Date: 12 Mar 2020

Mother and daughter smiling at camera

Every morning dawn breaks and all is silent, unless of course you’re a parent of a small child. “Mummy! Daddy!” For my husband this is a shout or cry out from our daughter but it’s a little different for me. Usually in the deepest slumber, I’m rudely awakened by a vibrating baby alarm shaking me awake. You see, like my daughter, I’m severely to profoundly deaf. Without the alarm I would otherwise sleep right through - though I’d happily pass on such wake-up duties any time!

I’ve always been the anomaly in my family regarding hearing loss; it was assumed my cochlea didn’t develop properly due to an infection during my mum’s pregnancy. So perhaps somewhat naively, I didn’t expect to have a child who also had a hearing loss. When Isabelle was diagnosed the phrase ‘like mother, like daughter’ applied a little more than I’d hoped. Nevertheless, this disability has never stopped me in my tracks and I am determined to pass this strength of mind onto my daughter.

Life changes dramatically when you’re suddenly in charge of a small person and I did need to make a few small adaptations to look after Isabelle 24/7. As I mentioned above, I have a video baby alarm attached to my bed which vibrates when any loud noise comes from Isabelle’s bedroom. This is probably the most important piece of assistive equipment as my husband frequently works away. I need to be able to respond when parenting solo and my alarm enables this. Added to the vibrating alarm clock and fire alarm, I’m lucky to get a natural wake-up these days!

The most challenging times parenting as a deaf adult are the times when I’m without my hearing aid. This is overnight, showering and swimming. This is when I rely heavily on visuals and my lip-reading skills. I try to take showers before my husband leaves for work or as quickly as possible before Isabelle discovers my make-up in the next room and designs a lipstick mural on the walls - luckily it hasn’t happened yet…! Obviously without hearing, I’m unaware if she cries so I still end up hopping out of the shower to check on her more often than not. This is just how it is and I don’t know any different. I was daunted by the idea of taking her to swimming lessons but we’ve adapted well. Both of us lip-read and sign during this time and I make the teachers aware beforehand so they face us whilst giving instructions.

When we’re both wearing our hearing technology, we face life in much the same way. We both cope better in quieter environments but I place no barriers on this. We go to baby and toddler groups, play cafes, soft play – these are noisier than most places but we can sign, we can lip-read and we can ask people to repeat themselves. I’m in the unique position of being able to empathise as I know what it’s like for Isabelle. I think it’s really important to learn to adapt to your environment. As Isabelle grows up and becomes more conscious of her hearing loss, I hope I will be a positive role model for her to normalise these differences. ‘Mum can, so I can too.’ We wake up, put on our ‘ears’ and off we go.

Nicky

Nicky and her husband Ross are parents to Isabelle (5) and Jack (2). Isabelle is profoundly deaf and wears cochlear implants, and  Jack is severely to profoundly deaf and wears hearing aids. Nicky is severely deaf herself and wears a hearing aid.