Getting support for yourself as a parent of a deaf child
Why looking after your wellbeing is important
From an early age, children learn to pick up on and imitate the behaviours of those around them. That’s why one of the best ways to promote positive emotional health and wellbeing is to model that behaviour yourself. The same things that would help your deaf child – self-compassion, acceptance and community – can help you, too.
If you’re struggling with your mental health, you don’t need to minimise it. You deserve help and support. Although we are not a mental health charity, you can contact the friendly experts on our Helpline. They are here to answer questions about childhood deafness and can signpost to other organisations.
You could also reach out to your GP. Many practices have information about services for caregivers. At the bottom of this page, we've compiled a list of organisations that offer support.
Building your confidence and self-esteem
First, take a moment to give yourself credit. The fact that you’re doing the work to understand your deaf child and support them shows that you’re doing a great job as a parent or caregiver.
There’s not one ‘right’ answer
In a world where we have so much information, advice and opinions available to us, it can be easy to second-guess yourself and worry you’re not doing the ‘right’ thing. Especially if you’re dealing with high expectations – whether that’s from yourself or others – parenting can feel like a lot of pressure. You might find it helpful to remind yourself that, oftentimes, there’s not one ‘right’ answer, and there’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ parent.
We're here to help you read up on childhood deafness, get advice from professionals or read stories from others in similar situations. But ultimately, we encourage you to trust your instincts – whether that’s when making decisions for your family, pushing for support from professionals or revisiting decisions as your child grows.
Parenting without the pressure: being 'good enough' is enough
Images of ‘picture perfect’ families on social media, expectations of others (family, friends, professionals, other parents or even strangers) and unhelpful responses to deafness can all make us feel like we’re not being a good parent. Adopting a ‘good enough, not perfect’ mentality can lower the pressure you feel.
Dealing with guilt, worries and accessibility anxiety
Worry is a common aspect of caring for a child. Those raising a deaf child may wonder why their child is deaf or even if they did something to cause their child’s deafness. But it’s important to remember that deafness isn’t anyone’s fault – there are many reasons why someone may have a hearing loss, and even professionals might not be able to identify the cause.
Raising a deaf child can also involve additional challenges around accessibility. Understanding and exploring things like assistive technologies and deaf-friendly communication tips can help you feel more confident to go out and do the things your family loves to do. We’ve also gathered lots of helpful information about helping your deaf young person participate in travel, hobbies and leisure activities.
If a child's hearing loss is identified later, some people may feel guilty or worry that they missed signs. Remind yourself that many parents have never dealt with deafness before. The process of getting it identified and finding support may be completely new to you, and that means you’re learning a brand new set of skills.
The importance of self-care and self-compassion
Family life is busy, and when you’re trying to juggle so many things, it can be easy to let yourself slip down to the bottom of the list. Especially when you have a child with additional needs, there may be more stress or demands on your time.
But asking for support so you can regularly set aside a few hours for yourself isn’t selfish. There’s no need to feel guilty about looking after yourself – whether it’s attending a gym class, learning something new, reading a magazine or simply having a relaxing bath.
Remember: Your children take their cues from you, so if you're compassionate to and confident in yourself, they’ll reap the benefits, too.
Care for yourself the way you'd care for a friend
Treating yourself with compassion, kindness and understanding can be helpful, especially during challenging times. Observing (but not judging) your feelings, extending the same kindness you’d offer a friend to yourself and recognising that you’re not alone can help lower stress and decrease depression. By modelling self-compassion, you can also show your child how to be kind to themselves.
The benefits of connected communities
Many parents and carers have told us that they find meeting with other families of deaf children can be hugely rewarding. These support networks offer wonderful opportunities to learn and share tips and ideas.
Knowing that you’re not alone and meeting with others who’ve experienced similar challenges can be very empowering. You can get to know other parents of deaf children through our online sessions for families, local groups and our Facebook pages. If your child has support from a professional (such as a Teacher of the Deaf), you can also ask them about support available near you.
Grandparents, siblings and other extended (or chosen) family members can play an important role in raising a deaf child. We’ve gathered information for your support network to help them explore ways to be a connected, supportive presence. You might find it helpful to share our information with them.
Co-parenting with confidence
If you share the caregiver role with someone else, you might find it helpful to agree a parenting style. This could include things like routines and boundaries, but it could also include ways to talk about deafness and approaches to assistive technology.
Getting professional help for yourself
Raising and caring for a deaf child can bring additional challenges, such as coming to terms with deafness, handling medical procedures or getting the right educational support. Admitting that you’re finding things tough doesn’t mean you love your child any less. It just means you might benefit from a bit more support.
If you're feeling low or have noticed that you are more tired, anxious or emotional than usual, you might benefit from professional support. Visit your GP and explain how you've been feeling. Other organisations who might be able to help are listed below.
Gingerbread
A charity supporting single parent families to live happy, secure and fulfilling lives.
Mind
The UK's leading mental health charity, Mind offers bespoke advice and support for parents living with a mental health condition.
NHS
Mental health support is available for free on the NHS. Depending on where you live, you might need to ask your GP for a referral to talking therapies (NHS), or you might be able to refer yourself.
NHS services and support for parents
NSPCC
The NSPCC offers help and advice for parents and families dealing with mental health difficulties.
SignHealth
If you’re deaf, SignHealth offers support for deaf adults in both English and BSL.
YoungMinds
YoungMinds (which is a charity dedicated to improving young people’s mental health) can help support you while you’re supporting your children.
Mental Health Foundation
They provide mental health information and advice – including how parenting can affect your mental health and vice versa – for people living in the UK.
Full references for this webpage are available by emailing
informationteam@ndcs.org.uk