Providing support: A guide for extended and chosen families

Navigating family dynamics can sometimes be tricky, but it’s great that you want to learn about childhood deafness and explore ways you can help.

Learning about childhood deafness

When you first find out about your young person’s deafness, you might experience a wide range of emotions – and that’s OK. We’re here to help you, especially if you have no previous experience with deafness or feel unsure of where to look for support. 

Understanding types and levels of deafness

Understanding the type and level of the deaf child or young person’s hearing loss can be a great start. But remember that parents and deaf young people might be feeling overwhelmed themselves, and they may struggle to explain everything the doctors have said. 

Audiograms can be complicated to read, so check in with your deaf young person or their parents about any real-world examples and instructions on what you can do to help. You might want to look at our first diagnosis information or contact our Helpline [LINK] to learn more.

Helpful things you can learn about or do

Every deaf person is different and will have their own communication preferences and ways they like to be supported. Check in with the deaf young person or their parents to find out what works for them.

For example, if your deaf young person is profoundly deaf in one ear, remembering to position yourself closer to their hearing ear – or making sure you use physical gestures when trying to get their attention in a crowded place – can be helpful. 

If your deaf young person uses sign language, make an effort to learn some common signs – there are lots of guides to BSL signs on our YouTube channel. Exploring our family sign language courses for those with a deaf child aged 5 and under could be helpful, too.

Try to learn more about deaf culture. Making friends in the deaf community – whether that’s online or through local groups – can help you learn more about childhood deafness, access community support and explore ways you can provide support.

Respecting communication choices and other decisions

If your young person is identified as deaf when they’re very young, their parents or carers will likely have to make lots of choices on their child’s behalf. This could be about things like whether they use technology, which technology they use and the language (or languages) they learn. 

As your deaf young person grows, they’ll likely express their own needs and preferences, too. Try to be supportive of these choices and understand the reasons behind them, even if you don’t agree with them.

Things your deaf young person might experience

Deaf young people can experience unique challenges, from communication barriers to managing energy levels. As someone who cares about a deaf child, it can be hard to understand what they’re going through – especially if you’re not deaf yourself (or if it’s been a while since you were a deaf young person). 

Although our information on raising a deaf child has been written with parents in mind, you might find it helpful. We cover things like:

• ages and stages of raising a deaf child
• deaf-friendly playtime activities
• helping deaf children with big emotions (like anger and tantrums)
• deaf-friendly storytime suggestions
• tiredness (including concentration fatigue) in deaf children and young people
• helping a deaf child sleep
• how to support a deaf young person’s deaf identity

We have lots of information about emotional health and wellbeing, too. You can find out more about topics such as:

• building confidence and resilience in deaf children and young people
• challenges your deaf child might experience
• helping deaf young people understanding their rights

Connecting with your deaf young person

Spending time with your deaf young person is a great way to bond – plus, it can give their parents time for themselves or for bonding with other children in the family. 

Whether you’re regularly caring for your deaf young person or simply enjoying some time with them when you can, it’s important that you feel confident communicating with them and looking after their hearing technology.

• Learn more about their preferred language and communication approach. Doing what you can to support your young person’s communication preferences (and knowing what to do if choices change) can make it easier to connect.
• Find out about the technology they use. If your young person uses hearing aids, implants or assistive technology, it can be helpful to know about things like changing batteries or troubleshooting any issues. There are lots of ways you can do this, like reading our booklets, attending appointments (if allowed) or watching online tutorials.
• Be a playful presence. While you can and should respect the rules your young person has to follow (including boundaries set by their parents), it’s also important to have fun with your young person. Play can help you bond, and our deaf-friendly playtime tips offer lots of advice and suggestions.
• Learn more about them. While it is part of their identity, your deaf young person is so much more than just their deafness. Take time to explore and engage with their other interests and activities, too. (If they’re interested in baking, for example, baking cupcakes together can be a great way to connect.)
• Become more deaf aware. Read our information about deaf awareness to explore things you can do to make interactions a bit more deaf-friendly at home or when out on an adventure together.

How to be supportive

Parenting a child often involves a lot of self-doubt. Especially when things get stressful, you can play an important role in reminding parents that they’re doing a good job. 

Sometimes, you might not agree with the decisions that your deaf young person or their parents make. It’s OK to have different opinions. Remembering that advice can change across time, cultures and families is a great place to start. 

Approach any disagreements with curiosity and a desire to understand. Reading our information or reaching out to our Helpline can help you learn more and work through these differences in opinion. If you do want to share your disagreement, try to do so respectfully.

If your deaf young person is struggling with their emotional health and wellbeing, our pages on building their confidence and resilience or supporting their mental health might interest you. 

If you're worried about their parent’s wellbeing, try to be a safe space for them to talk about their worries. Doing what you can to help – whether it’s calling them or looking after the children so they can have a break – can make a big difference, too. 

Our page on getting wellbeing support as a parent of deaf young people offers advice, tips and lists of organisations that can help parents.