Anger, tantrums and other big emotions
Learn to understand and address the unique challenges of anger, frustration and tantrums for deaf children.
Understanding what's behind big feelings
All children may experience a wide range of emotions as they grow up. But for deaf children, unique factors related to hearing loss can sometimes make managing their feelings more complicated. Understanding these underlying factors can help you adapt and find what works best for you and your child.
We often get questions about anger and tantrums in deaf children. These are common (and often developmentally appropriate) behaviours for young children. For deaf children, they more likely to happen if they're feeling frustrated about not being able to effectively communicate about things like:
- frustration about “missing out” or being left out
- sensory overload
- hunger
- discomfort
- other emotional, social or physical needs
When big feelings feel big for everyone
Engaging with a deaf child when they're angry can be challenging for you, too – especially if they ignore you and turn off (or refuse to wear) their hearing devices. Try to remind yourself that your child’s anger may be linked to the unique struggles they face, and we all have ups and downs while we’re trying to get our needs met.
You don’t have to handle every tantrum, outburst or big emotion perfectly. If you make a mistake, you can always share that with your child and talk about what to do differently next time. (This is also a great way of modelling accountability for them!) It’s also OK to ask for help from your support network.
Helping hearing siblings
If your deaf child has a hearing sibling, our ‘Me and my deaf brother or sister’ activity books (one for siblings aged 5 and under and another for siblings aged 6 and up) might help them understand and empathise with their deaf sibling.
Tips for supporting children with their big emotions
There’s not one tip that will work with every child or every situation, but for the most part, anger and tantrums are ways for children to communicate what they can’t put into words. You may find it helpful to start with figuring out the reason behind the feelings.
This could be things like:
Struggles with communication
- Offer multiple ways for your child to communicate – such as sign language, flashcards, physical cues (like putting their hand on your shoulder when they want your attention) and/or speech.
- Think about how to help when communication choices change, and make sure your child (and any adults who are caring for them) know how to care for hearing aids, implants and any assistive technology your child uses.
Lack of confidence
- If your child is asked to do something they can’t do (or lack the confidence to do), that might result in outbursts.
- Practise new skills together and break each task down with clear instructions and prompts of what to do.
- Create a personal passports or profile to give teachers and activity leaders the information they need to help your child grow in confidence.
Wanting control
- Being told what to do all of the time can be tiring, so try to get into the habit of offering realistic choices early on.
- Helping your child be involved in decision-making can curb rebellion and communication issues.
Difficulty expressing emotions
- Practise naming emotions and identifying needs in calm moments.
- Consider using visual tools (such as flashcards) to communicate feelings and needs in a simple way. For example, try happy, sad, angry or disgusted for emotions, and try rest, quiet, food, drink, hug or movement for needs.
- Offer multiple ways to communicate, too; tools like our free ‘What are you feeling?’ workbook, the How We Feel app or emotion wheels (such as this one from Mental Health Center Kids) can help identify emotions.
Unmet needs
- At all ages, it’s good to think about whether water, food, sunshine or rest are needed.
- Get creative. For example, if your child protests that they’re not sleepy, try other forms of rest like drawing, reading or having a bath.
Overstimulation
- Routines help children know what to expect next, which can reduce anxiety. If your child is overstimulated due to a break in the routine or other factors, create some space for rest.
- Our section on tiredness and concentration fatigue has more details.
Social challenges
- If your child doesn't know any other deaf children (or if others assume they’re hearing), they may benefit from making connections with the deaf community. Your family might like to explore local groups or online events.
- Tools that help hearing peers understand deafness – like these early years videos or deaf awareness posters – can be helpful, too.
Identity and acceptance
- Figuring out who we are is an ongoing and sometimes challenging journey. Our information on deaf identity is designed to help you and your child explore what makes them who they are.
- You can also learn more about deaf role models who can provide helpful examples of coping with challenges and living confidently with deafness.
Getting support
If you're worried that your child’s big emotions may be becoming more serious, we encourage you to reach out to our Helpline or to one of the suggested organisations on the linked page below for more support.
Common challenges at different ages and stages
Although every deaf child is different, many experience similar emotions. Understanding why the emotion's there and what it’s trying to say can be helpful.
Early years (0 to 4)
Babies and toddlers may display frustration or discomfort, but it’s often hard for them to express themselves in words.
For deaf young children, having hearing loss may mean that they are more likely to be startled or less likely to hear comforting noises such as soothing voices, music and environmental sounds.
Signs of big emotions
For deaf children aged 0 to 4, look out for:
- difficulty sleeping or more frequent waking
- crying or fussing due to discomfort or unmet needs
- frustration, anger or tantrums, especially when feeling misunderstood or unable to communicate effectively
- aggression (such as hitting, biting or throwing hearing devices) when they’re overwhelmed during the toddler years
How to help
- Introduce visual cues early on – such as simple sign language, gestures or picture cards – to communicate needs, feelings and wants.
- Sometimes, having less input from sounds can make using other senses overwhelming. Create or offer a calm, sensory-friendly environment to help reduce this.
- Respond to their emotional cues using facial expressions, body language and touch. Visual and physical interactions help them learn they can rely on others for comfort.
- As your child grows, help them explore which ‘calm down’ methods they prefer. It could be something as simple as counting to 10, deep breathing or defusing the situation with a joke.
- If your child is in childcare, share information with staff about concentration fatigue.
Early school age (4 to 7 years)
At this stage, deaf children are developing their communication skills, but they may still struggle with expressing emotions. School may be overwhelming, especially if they don’t get enough support for their communication needs.
Issues like bullying, difficulty in class or struggling to keep up with peers can all contribute to big emotions.
Signs of big emotions
For deaf children aged 4 to 7, look out for:
- increased irritability, frustration or refusal to cooperate
- acting out in response to feeling misunderstood or unsupported
- feelings of isolation, particularly if they have difficulty communicating with hearing peers
How to help
- Put together a personal passport, and work with the school on a support plan. Specify support that helps, such as a Teacher of the Deaf or sign language interpreters in the classroom.
- If your child is in school, help educators learn about things like concentration fatigue. Our section on education and learning offers tailored information about early years, primary, secondary and post-16 settings across England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales.
- Reinforce their self-esteem by celebrating their unique qualities and achievements.
- Use role-play to teach them how to express emotions in a healthy, constructive way, or watch films and shows that deal with difficult emotions in a child-friendly way, such as Inside Out.
- Encourage them to talk about their day, their friends and any challenges they may be facing.
Deaf awareness videos for younger children
Using characters from our lovely picture book 'Elephant and the Lost Blanket', this free series of 5 videos are designed to help children understand how to support their deaf friends. These short, fun and colourful animated videos feature subtitles and an on-screen British Sign Language interpreter.
Children and pre-teens (7 to 12 Years)
As children move into their pre-teen years, they begin to experience more complex emotions. This can be especially true for deaf children, who are navigating both their hearing loss and the broader world around them. Self-esteem may be a major issue during these years, and the desire to fit in can heighten emotional struggles.
Signs of big emotions
For deaf children aged 7 to 12, look out for:
- increased frustration, especially in social situations where communication is challenging
- changes in communication, big personality changes or withdrawal from friends or family – often out of fear of being judged or misunderstood
- low self-esteem, particularly related to their hearing loss or communication struggles
- anger or sadness related to feeling different from their peers
How to help
- Find activity groups where your child can meet with other deaf children, or other supportive environments where they can communicate openly. (Explore our local groups and online options.)
- Deafness is just one part of what makes your child who they are. Help them explore their interests and talents. It may seem counterintuitive, but stepping back from deafness can actually help them figure out how deafness integrates into their overall identity.
- Encourage your child to express themselves through creativity. They could try a lot of different activities, such as drawing, music or making videos.
- Share stories of deaf role models. This can help deaf children feel less alone, and may also inspire them and get them thinking about exciting things they can do and achieve.
- Read our tips on how to support a deaf young person’s deaf identity, and share our page about exploring their deaf identity with them.
- Help them practice self-advocacy by teaching them how to explain their needs and stand up for their rights in different situations.
- If your child is in school, encourage their teachers to learn about things like concentration fatigue. Our information on moving to secondary school contains tips to help you and your child with the transition.
Getting the right help in school
Support plans are designed to specify what helps in school. Each nation has their own version of a support plan. Find out more about support plans in England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales.
Support plans are just one aspect of the help deaf children should receive in education. Even without one, your child still has a legal right to support.
Teenagers (13+ Years)
Teenagers experience emotions with greater intensity, particularly during puberty. For deaf teens, these emotions may be compounded by ongoing struggles with identity, communication and fitting in.
Issues such as peer pressure, others' assumptions about deafness and body image can all contribute to feelings of frustration, anger and sadness. Add in navigating relationships and searching for a like-minded community, and it’s easy to see why there might be big emotional outbursts or even isolation.
Signs of big emotions
For deaf children aged 13 and above, look out for:
- challenges with authority figures or peers linked to mood swings or irritability
- low self-esteem and concerns about their deafness in relation to their peers
- rebellion or refusing to use hearing devices as a way to gain control
- anxiety or depression stemming from social or academic pressures
How to help
- Avoid minimising their experiences. Instead, validate their emotions by letting them know their feelings are heard and understood.
- Create opportunities for your teen to connect with other deaf teens, whether through online communities or local groups.
- Support their involvement in activities they’re passionate about, allowing them to express themselves outside of their deafness.
- For contentious topics, try to involve your wider support network. At this age, your child might not take your advice – but they might be more open to what a teacher, healthcare professional or family friend has to say.
- Encourage them to speak openly about their struggles and offer professional help if needed, such as therapy or counselling.
Top tips from other parents
Remember, every child is different, so experimenting with different strategies and finding what works in that moment is key. As one parent put it, “It gets better with time, and we find ways to navigate the emotional rollercoaster together.”
Here are a few other tips that have been shared with us:
- “When my child throws a tantrum, I use a calming technique we learned from our Teacher of the Deaf – talking on his hand so he can feel the vibrations. This helps him calm down.”
- “I let my child run around barefoot when they're upset. Feeling the vibrations in their feet helps them feel grounded (and reduces their feelings of frustration).”
- “My daughter is very visual, so I use a sticker chart. She can see her progress throughout the day, and it helps her stay motivated and manage her emotions.”
As frustrating as it can be, big emotions are a normal part of growing up. While deaf children may face some additional challenges, we know that with the right support, they can learn how to express their feelings in healthy ways.
Whether it’s through the power of communication, self-advocacy or simply knowing they’re not alone, your understanding and patience can make all the difference in helping your child navigate their emotional world.
Does your support network include extended family and friends?
Our 'Providing support: A guide for extended families and friends' page offers practical tips and resources that can help grandparents and your wider support network support you and your deaf child.
Full references for this webpage are available by emailing
informationteam@ndcs.org.uk