How to support a deaf young person's deaf identity

What is deaf identity?

Deaf identity is about how an individual understands and experiences their deafness. It includes the choices they make about language, communication and connecting with deaf culture. 

But being deaf is more than just the ‘not hearing’ part that audiologists might talk about. It’s likely something that’s woven into various aspects of life, from family to education to fun. 

Exploring, building and maintaining deaf identity can be a bit of a rollercoaster. And, like most things, it’s very common for an individual’s deaf identity to change and grow as they experience different things. 

Why is deaf identity important?

Helping your child explore their deaf identity from an early age can have a lasting impact on their confidence, wellbeing and sense of belonging. It gives them the language and tools to express their rights, needs and preferences – especially when others around them don't understand.

Because many people your child will meet may have little or no experience of deafness, developing a strong sense of identity can help them feel more secure and self-confident. It also supports them in building self-advocacy skills, which means knowing when and how to speak up for themselves.

But identity isn’t just about independence. True resilience comes from connection. Deaf young people thrive when they’re supported by a warm, welcoming community that understands and values them. 

That means giving them the support and space to explore who they are, try new things and make their own choices – while also knowing they can rely on you and others in their support network to advocate for them when needed.

How can I help build deaf identity?

Every deaf young person will have their own unique relationship with their deafness, and there’s no right or wrong way to be deaf. Regardless of how young or old a deaf young person is – or where they’re at in their deaf journey – their identity is theirs to create. 

However, the way that parents, carers, relatives, friends, professionals and even total strangers engage with and respond to them will have an impact on their self-esteem, sense of identity and how they feel about themselves. And most hearing people have little or no experience of deafness, which can feel isolating and impact their emotional health and wellbeing. 

In addition to educating wider support networks about deaf awareness, there's a lot you can do to help.

Deaf children need to be aware of their deafness to feel empowered, confident and capable of dealing with some of the everyday challenges they might face. There are ways you can help them better understand their deafness and their deaf identity.

Explore deafness together

• Use tools like the Ida Institute's My Hearing Explained for Children or a personal passport or profile to help them understand their deafness.
• Review our pages on deaf identity, deaf culture and deaf role models together.
• Encourage them to engage with deaf culture and other deaf people. Try attending a local deaf club, finding an online community filled with people they can relate to or joining in on a campaign they feel passionate about.

Encourage creative self-expression

• Whether through journaling, art or conversations, try to create opportunities for them to explore how they feel about their deafness.
• Help them find ways to express themselves. We know lots of children enjoy decorating their hearing devices, choosing colours or designs for hearing technology, and even creating jewellery that matches their hearing aids for friends.
• Let them know that they can safely explore what feels right for them – whether that's about making changes to communication choices or finding creative ways to celebrate deaf culture and other deaf people

Involve them in decision-making

• Make sure they can access language and communication in a way that works for them. Ask whether they’re more comfortable with speech, sign language or a mix of both – and ask how that might differ in different environments.
• Support them with access to communication tools and support such as interpreters, captions or environmental changes. Help them explore which tools work best in which settings – such as at school, on a field trip or during social interactions.
• Review our page on building confidence and learning self-advocacy skills. Help them feel empowered to self-advocate – and confident enough in themselves that conflict with others won’t diminish the value they see in themselves.

Support them emotionally

• Try to acknowledge any struggles, validate their feelings and leave the door open to alternative approaches that suit them. Together with your deaf young person, brainstorm a list of friends, family, peers and role models they can go to whenever they’re struggling with something or have questions.
• Help them develop healthy ways to identify and express their emotions. Our free ‘What Are You Feeling?: A guide to helping deaf children understand and identify their emotions’ resource contains 27 sections on (and signs for) emotions as well as games, activity sheets and even a certificate you can personalise for your child.
• Know where to go for help. We’re got more information about where to go when your deaf young person needs mental health support.

Deafness is an important part of your child’s identity, but it’s just one piece. Race, gender, sexuality and other personal factors or special interests also shape their experiences. Particularly if your deaf young person is struggling, supporting them to explore their identity beyond their deafness might be helpful. By encouraging open, respectful communication and supporting all aspects of their identity, you can help them thrive.

Growing their confidence through choice

Young children often rely on their parents to make big decisions for them, such as what hearing technology they will use and how they will communicate. As a parent, you know your child best, and there’s wisdom in trusting your ability to choose the right options for your child.

At the same time, it can be really helpful for deaf children and young people to be involved in decision-making wherever possible. Help them understand that there is no right or wrong way of being deaf, and encourage them to explore their preferences about lots of different topics (including different ways to communicate). 

For example, a deaf young person who has grown up speaking English might become interested in learning British Sign Language (BSL). Alternatively, someone who attended a deaf primary school might want to try moving to a mainstream secondary school or sixth form. Giving them space to explore all the options and share their preferences as early as possible can help them feel more in control and supported.

Research about how children experience healthcare

The National Children’s Bureau (NCB) has some helpful resources on how children and young people experience healthcare. 

For example, their Council for Disabled Children team produced a 'Children and young people’s opinions and experiences of healthcare’ (PDF) report in May 2021 that informed clinical guidelines in the UK. Reading the report yourself and sharing it with professionals in your child’s support network can help ensure your child has a positive healthcare experience.

Plus, there's even a child-friendly version called the 'NICE guideline children and young people's summary' (PDF) that you can explore together with your deaf child, as well as a 'Children and young people's healthcare booklet' (PDF) they can fill out. 

How do I connect with the deaf community?

Whether sharing tips, exchanging advice or simply being a support network to one another, connecting with others can be invaluable. Both you and the deaf young person in your care might find it beneficial to connect with other deaf people and those in the deaf community. 

Having friends we can relate to is an important part of growing up. Although many deaf young people thrive in mainstream education, it can be helpful for them to get to know deaf people their own age outside of school. There are lots of ways for deaf young people to meet one another, for example through deaf sports or local groups.

As someone supporting a deaf young person, you might find it helpful to make those connections, too. Joining groups – whether that’s in person, online or through a local WhatsApp group – means you’ll have someone to go to whenever you have a question or want to share experiences.

Finding local groups

If you’re looking for in-person options, you might like meeting up and joining in with your local deaf children’s society. You can also check in with your health visitor, audiologist, Teacher of the Deaf or named professional to find out about any other groups near you. 

If you’re looking for online options, our social media channels might appeal to you. You can also join our free online events to get advice from our friendly experts and meet other families of deaf children. 

Sharing about deaf role models

From historic figures to modern-day changemakers, role models show young people that there are no limits to what they can achieve. Sharing these stories can help foster a strong sense of pride and motivation in their own journey.

Our page on deaf role models is filled with inspiring individuals who have paved the way for the deaf community, offering valuable insights into overcoming challenges and celebrating successes. You can also check with your local library to see what books they have on offer. Our page on books featuring deaf characters can offer a good starting point, but there are new books coming out all the time.

Exploring stories from other families

Especially when you’re going through something for the first time or exploring something new, it can be helpful to read stories of others who’ve been in similar situations. 

We’re fortunate to have a wonderful range of stories from other families and deaf young people on our website, and we encourage you to explore those stories or share your thoughts and questions with us on social media.

What if my child is struggling with their deaf identity? 

No matter the reason, it’s understandably difficult to watch a child struggle. We hope the above suggestions and tips on how you can help your deaf young person explore, build and maintain their deaf identity are helpful, but please remember that you can reach out to the friendly experts on our Helpline via email, text, phone or video.

Particularly during adolescence, young people go through one of the most rapid phases of development, bringing with it huge physical, mental, social and emotional changes. As they grow, deaf young people may become more self-conscious about their deafness. For example, they might become reluctant to use sign language or to wear their hearing technology – especially if their teachers or activity leaders aren’t engaged enough to support them (or if they need tips on deaf-friendly approaches).

It's common for anyone to begin to question their identities during periods of big change, and there is nothing wrong with exploring who we are and who we want to be. For deaf young people, this may involve thinking more independently about their own deaf identity. But there are lots of ways you can help them to do this. 

• Encourage open, respectful communication. Create a space where they feel comfortable expressing themselves, and involve them in decision-making wherever possible. Try to actively listen without judgement, and ensure you’re using their preferred communication method.
• Affirm and validate their experiences. Forcing someone to be positive all of the time often backfires. Working with them to understand why they feel like they do and helping them build strategies can help them go from ‘I can’t’ to ‘I can with the right support.’
• Help them explore other aspects of their identity. Their deafness is just one part of who they are – not something they need to hide or downplay. But they might find it easier to relate to their deafness when it’s linked to other parts of their identity.
• Encourage self-advocacy and confidence. Even the small responsibility of managing their own technology will help them to know more about their technology, how it works and give them more confidence when explaining it to others.
• Praise them for expressing their rights, needs and preferences. Even if it’s something small, like asking someone to repeat something they’ve missed, helping them develop skills to communicate what they need can build independence and confidence.
• Make sure they’ve got a wider support network. Especially as they age, they might not always come to you with problems. Encourage them to build a community of people – including other deaf young people – who affirm all aspects of their identity.